Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Spoilers and/or Warnings: None
Title, Author and URL of original story: An Ounce of Prevention by azewewish
Thanks to solar_cat for the beta
Jared wasn’t a bad guy. He helped little old ladies cross the street and called his momma every Sunday to catch up on family news and let her know he was eating right. He loved his friends and would do anything for them; showering them with gifts or taking them out when they needed cheering up. He was the guy everyone wanted as their best friend.
Unfortunately, his best friend was Jensen, and when it came to Jensen things were fucked up.
"Thought we weren't...gonna do this...again." Jensen moaned as Jared tugged at his clothes and stroked his cock, the darkness enveloping them like a shroud and keeping them hidden from the rest of the world.
He knew there was a party going on outside, but he couldn’t hear anything except Jensen’s rasped breathing burning in his ear. Nothing else existed but them and the dark and it made Jared grip onto Jensen harder, just to reassure himself that he was there.
Every time they met like this, they swore it would be the last.
It never was.
He wasn’t one of those guys who fucked around for the sake of it. He loved Sandy, really, he did. She was smart, funny and hot. Everything he could want from a woman. He just happened to love Jensen as well.
The never talked about love when they came together like this, tucked away in some darkened corner and tearing at each other’s clothes. Love was just too big, and would mean addressing some issues that neither of them were willing to face. It was easier to pretend it was just about the sex, and about fulfilling the sheer need they had for each other.
But they both knew it ran deeper than that. They were closer than the brothers they played on screen, spending fourteen hours and sometimes more working together each day and still wanting to hang out when it was all over. That was why they kept doing this. The sort of bond they had didn’t come along every day.
The first time it had happened they’d both been drunk, high from just having wrapped season two and looking to celebrate. It had started off as a joke, the two of them having a contest to see who was the better kisser. One stupid kiss had lead to another and it had somehow ended with Jared sucking Jensen off behind the bar.
They’d put that one down to the booze and never mentioned it again.
The second time was when they first decided it would never happen again, as they jerked each other off in Jensen’s trailer. It had been a rough week and they were just looking to relieve some tension. They came together amid whispered promises that this was the last time and they almost believed it.
It wasn’t the last time, though, and Jared had realized at some point that there would never be a last time until Jensen walked away from him for good. It was something Jensen always promised after their encounters.
“I’m not doing this again, man. I can’t.”
It was like a mantra that Jensen uttered every time they were together, a weak effort to convince himself that it was over. It never would be, though, because Jensen was as trapped in this as Jared was. If he really wanted this to stop it would have happened already. Jared sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to finish it; Jensen was as much a part of him as Sandy was. Letting him go would be like cutting off a limb. Messy, painful, and something he would never fully recover from.
Most of the time it was easy to pretend that what they were doing didn’t bother him. He was an actor after all, and being with Jensen like this was better than nothing. If it meant he had to play the part of the callous asshole then that was fine by him. He wasn’t sure Jensen believed it, but maybe it helped a little.
Of course this was Jensen, the man who knew him better that anyone. He never said anything, but occasionally Jared would catch Jensen looking at him when he was with Sandy, looking into him and seeing what Jared kept hidden from the rest of the world.
Guilt, pain, lust, fear.
The fact that Jensen could see it when no one else could reminded Jared why he could never walk away. How do you leave someone who could see into your soul like that?
“Stop thinking,” he told Jensen (and himself) between kisses. It was so much easier if they didn’t think and just allowed themselves to enjoy the moment and each other.
"Wanted...drove me crazy." Jared mumbled into Jensen’s neck as they rubbed against each other. He could feel the tension coming off Jensen in waves even as they wrapped themselves around each other, teasing and nibbling and raking fingers down taut muscles.
There was a part of him that wanted this to be real. More than once he’d considered telling Sandy and Tania what was going on, just getting it out there in the open so they could all deal with it. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but they’re kind of beyond that now. People were going to get hurt no matter what he did, and he hated lying.
He hadn’t said anything to anyone, though, and he never would, because it would kill Jensen. Jensen loved his privacy, and although it was hard for him given what they did for a living, Jared knew the small shreds of Jensen’s private life that were left would be destroyed if they came out. Even the thought of hurting Jensen was worse than lying to Sandy and all their friends. He’d rather cut out his own heart.
So they would continue to do this. Jared would continue to be Jensen’s guilty secret, and they’d continue to have their all too brief encounters in the dark.
And it would have to be enough.